Things Not To Say To A New Mom

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Being a mom is one of the most incredible changes a woman can experience. It’s a time of new beginnings, cuddling with your newborn, and endless love. But it’s also one of the toughest situations, even for the strongest women. (By the way, it’s all women.)

New moms have a lot to handle, especially with rapidly changing hormones, a crying baby, and not getting enough sleep (just to name a few challenges). Getting unsolicited advice and facing judgment are the last things a new parent should have to deal with.

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Unfortunately, that’s not always the reality. I soon realized that when I became a mother, I had signed up for a lifetime of nosy questions, uncomfortable comments, and people pretending to offer advice when they’re actually passing judgment.

Here are 10 things you should never say to a new mother. A lot of what I’ve heard firsthand. Let’s get started.

1) you look tired, are you getting enough sleep

Yes, she is tired. Actually exhausted. There’s a good chance that the only thing stopping her from completely falling apart is disregarding the fact that she was awake all night. You’ve just informed her that not only is she feeling the exhaustion, but she’s also wearing it on her face for everyone to see.

A new mother does not need to be reminded that she looks exhausted. She is well aware, and you only know half of the story.

2) Just remember, many people wish they could be in your position.

This usually comes up when a mom has shared her difficulties. If someone, mom or not, tells you about their problems, don’t respond by reminding them how lucky they are.

Every mom knows she has something special that others want. Reminding her of this when she’s feeling down will only make her feel worse.

3) Don’t hold them too much. You’ll spoil them!

First, you can’t spoil a newborn. They spent their whole life in your womb. They are now in a cold, strange, and probably scary place. They want to be as close to their mom as possible. And if mom wants to hold the baby all day and all night, she should.

My firstborn wouldn’t sleep unless she was held for the first 6 weeks. I held her or wrapped her in a baby carrier for almost every nap, and we slept together at night.

4) Ready for another one yet?

As new mothers deal with the challenges of caring for a newborn, they often experience various emotions like tiredness, stress, and anxiety. Physical changes, hormonal shifts, and lack of sleep can also affect their mood and well-being. Asking about having more children might add to their stress and anxiety.

Don’t ask a new mom if she’s thinking about having more children. She’s trying to handle the one she has.

5) You don’t look like you just had a baby!

Complimenting someone who just had a baby by saying they don’t look like they just had a baby seems positive, right? But hear me out.

Avoid saying this to a new mom for two reasons. First, you only see her when she’s dressed and possibly looking put together, so it may not seem like she just gave birth. However, it’s different for her because everything has changed, and she needs time to adjust to this new reality.

The second reason might not be obvious until you experience it.

After having a baby, people often lose weight rapidly, which may seem like a compliment. However, many don’t realize that stress and anxiety can contribute to this weight loss instead of a healthy diet or exercise.

This can cause problems for new moms, like a drop in milk supply, leading to formula feeding. Comments about not looking like they just had a baby can be hurtful and remind them that their body may not be functioning the way they want it to.

6) Back in my day, we…

I’m not interested in hearing stories that start with “back in my day” because they often involve outdated and irrelevant practices. For example, one of those stories might describe a time when it was common to ride home from the hospital with a baby on your lap in the front seat, which is no longer safe or acceptable today.

7) You’re going to breastfeed, right?

Don’t ask someone how they are feeding their baby, unless you’re their baby’s pediatrician.

unless she willingly shares this information or brings up the topic herself. don’t ask.

While breastfeeding can be a wonderful bonding experience for both mother and child, it can also be challenging, painful, and demoralizing. It’s important to understand that a mother should never have to defend how she chooses to nourish her baby.

Sometimes, despite planning to breastfeed, things may not go as expected. Asking this question could potentially trigger unnecessary feelings of shame or disappointment.

In addition, it’s ultimately a personal matter and not something that others should inquire about.

8) It’s exhausting, but you’ll miss it when it’s gone!

While it can be tiring, people often say that one day we’ll look back and realize that the challenging times were actually the most precious. Personally, I will miss the adorable sight of my tiny, delicate, and gurgling babies, but I certainly won’t miss having to wake up every hour and a half to breastfeed them.

9) How is the baby? Can we come and see him/her?

Okay, so this isn’t something you should never say to a new mom, but it shouldn’t be the end of it. Everyone wants to know how the baby is doing. In most cases, the baby is likely doing well, with proper care.

Someone is feeding them, changing their diapers, dressing them, and showering them with love and attention. However, we should also remember to ask the new mom how she is doing. Often, we tend to forget that she has just transitioned into a new role as a mother and needs support and care too.

10) Are you going back to work?

or any question that insinuates that staying at home with the baby is not a valid option.

It is important to recognize that staying at home with a baby is a valid and important choice that many parents make. Questions that insinuate otherwise can be hurtful and dismissive of the hard work and dedication that goes into caring for a child.

Acknowledge that every family’s situation is different and what works for one may not work for another. Some parents may need to go back to work for financial reasons or because they enjoy their careers, while others may prefer to stay at home to care for their child.

Ultimately, the decision to stay at home or return to work is a personal one that should be respected.

Things to say to a new mom that are appropriate

Welcoming a new mom into motherhood can be a very exciting time. However, it can also be overwhelming and exhausting for the new mother. It’s good to offer support and encouragement to help her through this new phase of life.

In this response, we will discuss some things to say to a new mom that will help her feel supported and appreciated.

(1) Congratulations

Start by congratulating the new mom on her new bundle of joy. Being a mother is a great achievement in a woman’s life. Express your excitement and joy for the new mom. Let her know that you are happy for her and her family.

(2) How are you? Really?

I’m not referring to a casual “Hey! How are you doing?” text. I mean genuinely ask. How are you doing? Do you feel supported? How are you coping with this new normal?

Many women struggle after having a baby. In fact, check out the THINGS NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT POSTPARTUM; every woman I know struggles with motherhood on a daily basis. I hope this inquiry becomes the new normal. Not just during the first few weeks after giving birth.

In case no one has asked you lately, how are you, mama, really?

(3) It’s okay to ask for help

Let the new mom know that it’s okay to ask for help, whether it’s from friends, family, or a professional. Motherhood can be overwhelming, and it’s important to remind her that she doesn’t have to do it all alone.